How to Learn Greek

Last summer, I was sitting on a patio in Yorkville when it occurred to me that I should learn Greek. There were several things going through my mind at the time. Mainly, Rita and I had just come back from Greece and I was starting to fantasizing about my Big Fat Greek Future. Having baklava for breakfast. Being able to spank my children without fear of imprisonment. Living two blocks away from my in-laws. Developing a high tolerance for homemade alcohol. I decided that I would need to speak Greek to maximize my returns.


The tipping point was when, on that same patio, Helene returned the Teach Yourself Greek cd's that Rita had bought her just before her wedding in Greece. The stars had aligned.

Rita, being the reason that I am doing this, is helping me by clearing her busy schedule of eating bonbons and watching As The World Turns to Greek-label everything in our apartment (see pictures for actual proof of this). It's excellent, and who knows when I'll need to whip out "oregano" or "thyme"? Actually, I'll need those at Easter, along with "lamb" and εχω τρομερο πονο στο στομαχη μου ("I have a terrible stomach ache").

But that's not all! She also writes helpful dialogues for me to translate, that I can use in everyday domestic situations! Here is a very non-altered sample:

Μπορεις να μου φερεις ενα ποτηρι νερο? Διψω πολυ! - Can you bring me a glass of water? I'm very thirsty!

Εσυ δεν εχεις ποδια? Δεν βλεπεις οτι κανω κατι? - Don't you have legs? Don't you see that I'm doing something?

Ελα βρε εσυ! Ειμαι κουρασμενος. Δουλευα ολη μερα! - Hey you! I'm tired. I was working all day.

Και εγω, τι νομιζεις εκανα? Εσυ καθεσαι ολη μερα και εγω τρεχω. Και τωρα βαριεσαι να σηκωθεις για ενα ποτηρι νερο. Δεν ειμαστε καλα. - You're lazy.

Αχ! Ενταξη, πηγαινω. Γιατι εχω γυναικα? - Ah! Ok, I'm going. Why do I have a wife?

Δεν ξερω αλλα δεν εχεις γυναικα για υπηρετρια. - You're right. I'll get it for you right away, my sultan. Would you like some sultanas too?

Ναι. - Yes.